Early Intervention: Not Merely for Kids Who Take Time to Talk

This post will also be for parents of young children who are struggling. Yesterday’s post attracted a surprising number of viewers. I don’t know why. But I thought I’d add to that post in view of the interest.

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Children who lag behind in speech hit the radar quickly, especially when parents can see differences between these kids and older siblings. If Joshua spoke in full sentences at two, and little sister Maya still mostly points and uses short phrases or single words, parents can be expected to worry about Maya. Maya may be fine. Einstein was a late talker. But those contrasts can be scary.

I remember talking to my pediatrician about child number two. I was worried she might be ill because she slept so much, a full six hours when she was two months old. My first child had never slept more than two hours for the first five months. I was so tired back then, I was walking into walls. I set off the smoke detector twice, nodding off while warming bottles. I’m sure I should not have been allowed to drive.

My pediatrician thought my worries about my second daughter were pretty funny.

“It’s called getting lucky,” he said.

By all means, have late talkers evaluated. Early intervention helps enormously in the right situations. When children don’t seem to be acquiring language as you expect, a screening and discussion with a professional is indicated. But keep in mind, Maya is not Joshua and she may simply see less need to communicate at two than he did.

That said, I’d like to expand on my last post. Preschool interventions are not just for delayed speakers. Behaviors also should trigger evaluations when those behaviors create learning challenges — or when they can be expected to interfere with socializing with other children. Behaviors that cause a child a great deal of stress, even if those behaviors don’t isolate a child, may also be cause for intervention.

If Wendy always cries when her drawers are not in perfect order, if Nathaniel cries when other kids try to play with him, if Jemma throws frequent, titanic tantrums, then maybe professional help will make everyone’s lives easier. Yes, some kids are clingier and more exacting than others. Kids throw tantrums. But young children can suffer — and I truly mean suffer — from obsessive-compulsive disorder. Young children can find themselves battling extreme anxiety. And those tantrums may amount to more than a toddler’s frustration.

Almost all toddlers will outgrow belly-flop, shrieking tantrums. Almost all kids will learn to manage separating from mommy, and will find friends to play with. Many obsessive-compulsive children will manage well, with a great deal of praise from adults who appreciate their unexpected neatness and precision. But if you are efforting all the time as you try to manage behaviors that complicate the flow of daily life, I’d suggest seeking outside help. School district counselors and social workers can provide guidance. Preschools teach many useful life skills, such as cleaning up after yourself, communicating and sharing.

I think too often we parents try to go it alone, trying to solve our own problems when help may be available. Sometimes we are just too tired to communicate. If I had ever once gotten a full night’s sleep during my first child’s first five months, I might have been able to think straight enough to realize I needed more help than I was getting. We also get so busy that we postpone thinking about the big issues in favor of somehow getting the grass mowed and the laundry done.

Eduhonesty: Step back for a moment. Do you sometimes wonder if your child might have a problem outside the boundaries of the usual toddler tussles? If so, please do yourself a favor and put the mower or the laundry down. Find an outsider to help you sort out your thoughts. Go to your local school district. Ask if your girl or boy would benefit from early intervention. Considering talking to an outside therapist. At best, you will be reassured, and when early intervention is indicated, the sooner you find help, the better.

Again, go with your gut.

P.S. And if your gut tells you that the district has made a mistake, believe that you may be right. Talk to outside counselors. Ultimately, you may lack objectivity, but nobody knows your kid like you do.