A post for new teachers and anyone interested, taken from a post by a teacher friend on Facebook:

“Correct me if I’m wrong but a student-led conference shouldn”t result in the student crying and a group of adults on the offense visiting all of their past bad behavior. At this point I feel something has gone dreadfully wrong. It should be about empowerment for the child, not shame.”

I read this post and I could see the whole scene in my mind. The student in question must have numerous referrals, a track record of trouble by this point. Multiple interventions will have been attempted by different teachers. Phone calls home will have been made. The Dean knows this kid well.

I am not upset by the idea of this kid crying exactly. Sometimes, when you realize how badly you’ve screwed up, crying comes naturally. What does concern me is the spectacle of a gang of adults bearing down on one child. Even one adult in attack mode can do lifetime damage.

I still remember when my second-grade teacher angrily accused me of stealing a set of flash cards and scattering them outside. I hadn’t stolen the cards and I was stunned speechless by the accusations, which I am sure made me look guilty at first. Eventually the truth came out somehow. The elderly, gray-haired woman who had frightened me so badly even apologized.

But I never quite forgave her. I never forgot. And I never trusted the system or adults the same way again.

Who knew when the next “Terry” would steal the next set of flash cards and blame me? What would happen then? What if the next teacher believed “Terry”? In less than ten minutes, my whole world had become a scarier place forever.

Eduhonesty: Some kid will drive you to the brink someday. Let’s say you’ve been up late preparing data, grading papers, and planning the next day’s instruction. You start work tired and that monster coffee from Dunkin Donuts only makes a slight dent in your level of fatigue. Maybe the coffee just adds a layer of nervousness on top of your exhaustion. You ask for the homework. Only a few papers come in. A student tells you that the website was not working. Some kid then mouths off.

“It was a stupid assignment anyway,” “James” tells you. “I am tired of all this fucking work. Why can’t you leave us alone?”

The class giggles at the curse word. They all look at you expectantly. James has been trying to push your buttons for weeks, largely because he does not understand the new material and he is afraid to be embarrassed. He is not letting you help, though. He keeps skipping tutoring. Suddenly, you are absolutely enraged.

THIS IS THE POINT WHERE YOU CONSIDER CALLING FOR BACK-UP. You might want to step out into the hallway to take a few deep breaths. Force yourself to laugh if you can. The idea that you should leave your students alone is pretty funny if you can just recapture your sense of perspective.

For new teachers, if you do not have an arrangement with a fellow teacher to take your students or even briefly swap classes, you should set this up when you return from Thanksgiving break. You have a number of options in a scenario like this one. You can send James to the Dean with a referral. You can send James to another teacher. You will have to write James up and call home. You should immediately give James a detention if school policy allows this. Otherwise, curse words will start erupting in your class like popcorn in the microwave.

If you feel you are about to explode, though, getting James out of class may not be enough. You may have to get yourself out of class. Find a colleague to take your class. If necessary, swap classes for a few minutes until you can pull yourself back from the brink. But do whatever it takes to avoid unloading your anger on your students.

The wrong words directed at the wrong kid can leave a lifetime of invisible scars. You may not mean what you say. You may not even say what your students hear. You might angrily lash out and exclaim, “Not doing your homework is dumb!” You are criticizing a behavior, but that subtlety can get lost in translation. That girl who heard you call her dumb? Even after you apologize, she may believe you anyway.

Mrs. Harding felt terrible about falsely accusing me of taking those flash cards. I know that. I knew it then, even at seven years of age. But the world never went back to way it had been before Terry took the flash cards.

Eduhonesty: Teachers can easily forget how powerful they are.